Buồn, thì cứ buông vậy thôi.


Thời tiết chuyển mùa. Người chuyển lòng. Là vậy đó.
Dạo này lạnh lẽo mưa mưa âm u ghê gớm. Cũng thích.
Nhưng lạnh thôi đừng mưa được không?
Lạnh tê táiiiii nhưng trời khô cong ý.
Dạo này bị bờ lơ.
Dạo này bị nhiều người phũ ghê. Chẳng hiểu sao?
Chắc do quan tâm để ý nên mới biết là bị bờ lơ? Trước giờ vốn chẳng thèm suy tính.
Có buồn không? Thất vọng không? Có muốn tự mình nối lại liên lạc không? Hay muốn cứ thế mà rũ bỏ?
Có. Có. Có. Và có.
Bản tính người phũ 1 mình phũ 10 của nó thiệt là hại thân.
Nhưng nó ổn, ít nhất là với tình huống này.
Dạo này quen đi một mình. Ngồi cà phê 1 mình. 1 mình 1 góc nhỏ xíu của quán cà phê rộng lớn.
1 mình 1 góc  1 cốc trà nóng 1 lọ hoa nhỏ, 1 cái lap cùi bày bừa giấy tờ xung quanh.
Mọi người đến đây đều có đôi.
Lạnh rồi.
Nhưng mình thích thế này hơn. Một mình. Thi thoảng (giả bộ) chống tay qua cửa sổ suy nghĩ. Quan sát. Nghĩ. Thực ra thích vầy ghê.

Lại nghĩ, buồn thì cứ buông vầy thôi. Suy tính gì? Làm sao mà không buông được? Sống là bản thân phải vui kìa.
Buồn, thì cứ buông.
Dạo này mình không buồn nhiều nữa.
Mình ổn.
Life is good, in a way.

What I want to do

I don’t know what I can do or what I am gonna do yet but one thing I know for sure is what I do has to be for the community development. I have no idea where this came from but I know I have to do something about this matter.
I want to do something that can help old poor people to learn at least how to read and write and English even.
I want to build a going to be well-known organization that would attract foreign volunteer to come to Vietnam and help making other people’s lives (the young, the homeless, the elder, the poor, people in rural areas) better by taking care of them and playing with them and teaching them new modern stuffs.
I want to open a restaurant so that I can not only do my business, I can spend 1 or 2 days a week to help the poor have a place they can eat nice things in fair status and etiquette as other normal richer people and that would be for free.
But in order to do that I need to survive my own situation…
I mean, dear universe, I am so ready for the good stuffs. Please, send me a rare small miracle in my life. Please?

The End Of An Almost Lover

“But with my almost lover, I had only the future. I had potential. Ideas. Dreams. Plans.

I had hope.

I was left with my arms open – and empty.

The tears came, though it was hard to explain them to friends who couldn’t see how close I’d come to having something special. Or that in my mind, he’d already become someone special. But without a kiss, without a hint of a real relationship to fall back on, I felt didn’t have anything worth explaining or mourning.”

Thought Catalog

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I was never his girlfriend. He already had one of those, I found out later. So we never kissed. We spent countless hours talking into the point where night turns into morning, but we never spent the night together. We discussed the possibility of us – and what our future together might hold – too many times to count.

But he was never mine.

When it ended – abruptly and on his terms, of course – I didn’t know why it hurt so much. He wasn’t really an ex; we’d never so much as held hands. He wasn’t just a friend.

He was an almost lover. And almost lovers can hurt more than real ones.

At least with previous boyfriends, I could point to the past. Flaws. Fights. Memories, both good and bad. I had something concrete to hold onto. I had photos, old DVDs they’d lent me, “I love…

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